Unopened Cards

My sister-in-law came over today to spend some time with my husband, do some shopping, and go out for her birthday dinner. She brought us a sympathy card especially for pets and it had a nice message, about how we will be remembering her with smiles instead of tears.

Truly, I can do both now. I am hit with waves of deep sadness from time to time, especially first thing in the morning and at night–the quiet times in my day when I’m not distracted with busy-ness. Actual tears come less frequently and last only a moment. But I can think of her beagle howl, her mischief, her love of walks, and smile, although these thoughts bring tears now (while I’m writing this, at night).

In the stack of today’s mail there is a card from my mother-in-law that I assume is a sympathy card and a card from my vet. I left both unopened. I will read them in the morning when I am stronger, when I can appreciate their messages and then distract myself with the rest of my day.

This all seems “a bit much” for a dog, when others are mourning parents, siblings, children, friends, or are facing serious diseases, but that’s why I am writing about it, not talking about it, why I am going to work instead of hiding under the covers, why I am saving my tears for the quiet times when I am alone.