Learning to Listen

Today I attended Discernment Committee Training led by a facilitator from the (Episcopalian) Diocese of Virgina. I am on a committee that is going to help a woman from our church “discern” whether she is being “called” to the priesthood. The discernment process is a unique approach to decision-making that focuses on asking questions, listening to answers, and listening for God’s voice–the Holy Spirit. That means that sitting in silence is an essential part of discernment–not an easy practice for a Type-A attorney like me!

Our training was based on two Books: Listening Hearts: Discerning Call in Community (Farnham, Gill, McLean & Ward) and Grounded in God: Listening Hearts Discernment for Group Deliberations (Farnham, Hull & McLean).  The books provide guidelines for learning to listen that literally had me laughing out loud at the contrast to how I “listen” and interact with others on a daily basis:

•  Listen to others with your entire self (senses, feelings, intuition, imagination, and rational faculties)
  How often is part of me “somewhere else” when I am “listening”?
  
• Pause between speakers to absorb what has been said.
  Even in our training meeting, this was difficult. It is hard enough not to talk over someone. To leave a space of “silence” before speaking takes conscious effort.
  
• Do not formulate what you want to say while someone else is speaking.
  Don’t I always do this? I will even take notes to make sure I don’t forget my points. This guideline reminds me that I am not really listening if my mind already has moved on to what I want to say.
  
• Speak for yourself only, expressing your own thoughts and feelings, referring to your own experiences. . . . Steer away from broad generalizations.
  This one is easier for me, as I have learned that my daughter is more open to what I have to say if I focus on my experiences while being careful not to assume that my thoughts apply to her situation.

When I was invited to participate in this discernment committee, I was promised (warned?) that committee members often find that their own spiritual life is enriched by the process. Just reading the books and participating in the training–the prayers, the questions, the silence–has me looking at listening in a whole new light. 

Who knows what I will hear?