Twenty Days

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Coco

What would I have done differently if I knew this time last year that I only had 20 more days to talk to my Dad, to see his smile, to share his pride in my children?

Would I have given him the baseball cap I got at my son’s wrestling tournament and was saving for a Father’s Day gift? Maybe, but then I wouldn’t have that bittersweet memento.

Would I have called another time just to check in and say “I love you.”? Sure, but we were in touch regularly.  

Would I have made sure my son paid a visit to show off his new (to him) car? Possibly, but how could we have know that waiting until the weekend would be too late?

As I wrote last year when I was in the after-shocks of his sudden death, I was blessed to be saying good-bye to him with no unfinished business between us. That doesn’t mean that his death didn’t sting–or that it still doesn’t hurt–but it means that my mourning him and missing him is rooted in love.

If I found out today that I only have 20 more days with a loved one, what would I do differently?

This entry was posted in Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Twenty Days

  1. KCLAnderson (Karen) says:
    February 27, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Coco, I had very similar thoughts in the month leading up to the first anniversary of my father's death…and like you, there was no unfinished business and his death was unexpected, unlike someone who has a terminal illness and has time to prepare and say their "goodbyes." I've gone back and forth on whether or not it would have been "better" to know ahead of time…and as much as I hated the shock, I think it happened the right way, if that makes any sense.

    Now that the first anniversary has passed, there's a sense of relief. For sure, there are still tears and a profound sense of loss sometimes, but it's different. A better different. Hugs.

    • Coco says:
      February 27, 2012 at 6:26 am

      Thanks so much, Karen.

      It's weird because so much is the same–my son's state wrestling tournament, my son's national wrestling tournament at my Dad's alma mater, my son's upcoming birthday (the last time we go together ….).

      I'm sure it's the same same/different for you around New Year's.

  2. steena says:
    February 27, 2012 at 10:38 am

    I'm not sure that's a good way to think "What would I have done differently" because it has a hint of regret in it, to me.. And I know you spent quality family time together, you need to remember those good times.

  3. Karen@WaistingTime says:
    February 27, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I wrote a post about my dad's sudden death and how I encouraged everyone to tell people in their lives they loved them. My dad will have been gone 25 years in March. Hard to believe. I am sure I'd have done things differently if I'd had advance warning.

Comments are closed.