Running With Perseverance

I’ve had this post drafted for over 6 months now. I think I was afraid that as soon as I hit “publish” the demons that I think I’ve put behind me will come out of the woodwork. Over the holidays, I certainly ate “too many” cookies, but whether it was a mindful indulgence, mindless munching, or stress eating, it didn’t zap my sense of self-worth or send me into a downward spiral. So today, I am going to put it out there–fearlessly. 

Many years ago, when my son was still in elementary school, we decided to spend Christmas in Puerto Rico.  I had had a grueling few months of work, putting in 12+ hours a day at least 6 days a week on a “very important case.” (It was so bad that when the case ended and I returned to my usual work schedule, my son was worried when I wasn’t working weekends–did I still have my job? was I going to be fired?) I figured out at the last minute that I could take a week off around Christmas, and we were able to find last-minute flights leaving Christmas Day and returning New Year’s Day. It was a much-needed get-away–we just closed our eyes when we paid the bill at the Marriott.

(Marriott San Juan Resort)

When my mother-in-law heard of our plans, she was upset that she was not included in our plans. I never will foret her email reply:

I’ve been waiting all these years for Santa Claus to die so we could go somewhere for Christmas!

I thought of this recently when I made a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies, a/k/a my diet kryptonite. The transformation of Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde has nothing on how a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies could turn me into Cookie Monster.

You know how he gobbles cookies by the handful and lets the crumbs fly? I wouldn’t waste precious morsels like that, but I have eaten cookies by the half-dozen more often than I’d care to admit.

I used to bake cookies and freeze some “for later,” until my son called me on it:

Mom, you are just putting those away for yourself!

Recalling the taste of frozen cookies retrieved from the inner reaches of the freezer late at night, I knew he was right.

For a while I stopped making chocolate chip cookies, or made them only when I knew I could give most of them away. I just didn’t trust myself to be around them.

But this spring, after drooling over too many pictures of homemade cookies on great food blogs, I was bit by the baking bug. I made my usual Toll House Cookie recipe, and the cookies looked and smelled great coming out of the oven! I waited until they were mostly cool, and selected one to enjoy with a glass of milk.

And I did enjoy it. But I was surprised that one was enough. And I noticed the absence of the urge to eat more–to eat them all.

Of course, I did eat more over the next few days, but always in 1-2 cookie servings, and without having to flee the kitchen to avoid scarfing down the rest. 

It makes me wonder, is the Cookie Monster inside me dead?

Do you have a diet kryptonite?

Is there a food that used to do in, but doesn’t anymore? What do you think changed?